The Rime of the Postmodern Mariner

More ramblings of Rhys Hughes.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Backhorn or Shoescratcher?

Adele recently pointed out to me the weirdness of that fact that backscratchers often have a shoehorn on the other end. "Do only people with itchy backs wear tight shoes?" she asked. I have no answer to that question, but I obtained one of the strange implements for myself and I decided to break all the rules!

Study the above photo. So far, so good. It seems that I am merely yet another of those unfortunate people who have itchy backs and tight shoes at the same time. But wait! I must be some sort of revolutionary! Watch how I proceed to employ the shoehorn attachment to scratch my back! Has this ever been seen before? Anarchy! Where will it end, O where?

As if not satisfied with this cultural upheaval, I decided to take my radicalism to the limit. Behold! I used the backscratching attachment to lever my foot into a shoe! Purists and pedants may wish to sneer and denounce my shoe as a sandal; they may also claim that I'm tickling my foot into it, rather than strictly levering it. But so what?

The gesture is what matters, not the petty details. Did Napoleon consider petty details when he crowned himself Emperor of France? Was Stalin interested in petty details when he conquered Berlin? Details are of no consequence; and if you don't believe that, peer more closely: the truth of that statement is in the detail.

* Back scratched with shoehorn!
* Foot levered into shoe with backscratcher!
* The world will never be the same...


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